Best Way To Be Eaten By An Animal!
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized by PaulS
Listening to the radio today in Cambridgeshire Doug Alan was on. He is one of the photographer/film makers on the BBC wildlife series like frozen planet. He told the tale of how he was nearly eaten by a Walrus.
“It grabbed me as I was snorkeling on the edge of the ice. They have two ways of killing their prey (which is seals. Obviously thought Doug looked like a Seal in his wetsuit). They either crush them with their flippers or using their specially adapted lips lock onto the head and suck the brains out!! I hit it on the nose, it let go and I swam off”.
So this got me thinking. What’s the best way to be eaten by an animal? I think I’d prefer something like a big cat. At least they go for the quick kill, usually by suffocation. My nightmare would be Bear, any variety. They would eat you alive. The worst part of this is they much prefer the soft flesh around your backside so they typically pin you down and eat you arse first. They’re not very fond of your organs so don’t expect to die to quickly. Nightmare!!
So, has anyone else got any thoughts about being eaten by some of natures wonderful creatures?
I’m sure I spend to much time on my own, don’t I precious. Gollum, Gollum 
This made me laugh Paul, I think I’d like to be carried off by a raptor, just see what it feels like to fly (assuming I can ignore the pain from the talons), then dropped on a large stone (like eagles do to tortoises). Quick and painless but exhilarating.
If this is a surprise surprise thing then I’d prefer it if my wish didn’t come true.
I think a tandem skydive might be more advisable Chris. I’m sure the instructor doesn’t dig claws into you and hopefully won’t smash you on a stone
What about being swallowed by a Blue Whale? How long do you think you could survive in the heady mix of acid and carbon monoxide in the whales stomach?
Well I’m watching Jaws 2 at the moment and certainly wouldn’t relish (no pun intended) being eaten by a shark. I can’t stand the sight of blood so that would be a double nightmare death for me.
I might have a quicker death with the bear if they eat you “arse first” as it wouldn’t take the bear long to finish mine off. I can understand Paul’s concern though:-)
Best way to be eaten by an animal: when you’re already dead. I think we might be all right with a big cat as small prey get a quick nip at the back of the neck, snapping the spinal cord. Humans are pretty weak and pathetic compared to say a zebra. Worst has got to be myiasis (like Lucillia serricata does with sheep). The fly lays its eggs in your (usually) anal cavity and the maggots hatch and start munching.
Now we’re getting somewhere Simon. Eaten from the inside by maggots. Sounds pretty gruesome.
Ha Ha Maggie, very funny. Trouble is you’re certain of a long lingering death. As you’ve not much meat the bear would probably take a mouthful or two and then leave you to bleed to death. Hopefully that would happen before all the birds flocked in and started picking on your carcass. They’d go for the soft stuff first, like your eyes!! Oh the joys of nature
I hate being pathetic compared to a Zebra. Is it really as black and white as that, though?
Jim
This thread reminds me of a photograph of a notice someone recently posted on Facebook from an African game reserve. It was advising caution when out in the reserve due to recent lion human interactions. It recommended wearing bells on clothing to avoid surprising lions and carrying pepper spray. Visitors were also advised to recognise the signs that lions were present, i.e. you should be able to recognise fresh lion dung and differentiate between dung from adults and cubs. The dung of cubs would have fur in it and smell of hyraxes, the dung of adults would contain bells and smell of pepper.
Excellent Mark. When we were in the Serengeti we had to have an “armed escort” from our tent to the dining hut. As guns are not allowed in the park the “armed” bit usually consisted of a stick!! Bet those Lions were quaking in their fur LOL!!
My girlfriend runs African Wild Dog and Lion conservation projects in Zimbabwe and often goes out in the bush unarmed, she says you get into less dangerous situations, as you are more risk averse being unarmed. That said she is considering buying herself a gun, not for protection, but for putting down injured animals, because at the moment she has to slit their throats.
sounds a good plan Mark. leaving yourself little defence must make you avoid the dangers.
What amazing projects to be involved with, I’m very jealous!! African Wild Dogs are fascinating animals and deserve a chance to re-establish themselves. The decline in Lion numbers has gone mostly unnoticed until recently. What a shame if we lost more species of Lion.
Was at the BENHS tachinid workshop yesterday and a similar subjec arose. A man went to India and on arrival home noticed a pain and swelling in his shin. The hospital dismissed it as only 1 in 10000 come back with parasites, despite him saying he could feel it moving at night. Fast forward a few weeks and same man is watching a slide show and the direction and intensity of light is just such that he sees a bristle emerge from his shin. Off he trots to the local hospital and insists they now remove it which they duly do with a pair of forceps and after a bit of digging. They immerse it in alcohol in a kidney dish. There is a medical photographer then turns up but the harsh reflections of the dish mean he cannot take a suitable photograph. Explaining to the man that said creature was damaged during extraction and had been immersed in alcohol for 20 minutes and hadn’t moved, could they place it on his leg near its exit hole. Never did that thing move so fast as when it sensed the security of its hole and it was gone back into the man’s shin. He insisted they then removed it and mashed it up, probably with some choice words for the photographer as well.
Note to self. When next in hospital if someone turns up with a camera. RUN!!
Great story Simon.